What a weekend – we moved on Friday into our new home and I would like to stay here for the next few weeks just to nest and organize, but I know that’s not going to happen.
This is our last week focusing on the first Yama – Ahimsa – Least Harming.
This week I am shifting my focus on remembering that least harming doesn’t have to look passive or indifferent – instead, being a listener and continuing to be courageous.
When I was moving, I came across old “reminder notes” of mine. One said
F.E.A.R – FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.
Well, yea, that’s a great one to remember when I feel afraid, overwhelmed, under-valued, the list goes on. For a long time, I was afraid of the silence. I love being alone and I value my me time, not that kind of silence. The silence that happens when you are with someone you don’t know well or don’t have a relationship with and the conversation comes to a lull and there is this awkward silence. Or when you are friends with someone and have a misunderstanding and then time passes and when you finally talk to that person again, it’s awkward silence and uncomfortableness. Both I feel in the same place in my body and both make me want to run away. I think you all know what I mean. For a long time, I was so scared of that uncomfortable, awkward silence that seems to last FOREVER when you are in it. And lately, I’ve been trying my best to stand in it.
A couple of years ago a friend gave me a compliment I will not forget, she said, “You stand in discomfort very well.” I wanted to roll my eyes and say, no way, but I didn’t. The truth is, things haven’t always been easy but I have continually shown up – for my kids, for my classes, and mostly, for myself.
Last June, Joe and I spent a morning at The Trapeze School in Navy Yard. I am terrified of heights, but thought this would be a fun way to spend the day. And I did it. I climbed up the ladder – that was NOT attached and moved all over the place with every step; I got hooked in and jumped into nothing – yes, yes, I was attached, and after my THIRD time up – yes – THREE times I did it, I hooked my legs and LET GO! For a fleeting moment, it was freeing. Then I realized I had to unhook and once again drop! Talk about heart racing, stepping out of my comfort zone. You can maybe see that in my face as I look up at what is to be.
Let’s spend this last week of October like we did the first week – brave, unafraid, fearless!!
Oh, and Happy Early Halloween!!